3 miles and a big decision

I think I was supposed to do 4, but I'll do another 2 briskly walking with the stroller tonight to make up for it.

A power outage at my office meant working from home. So rather than scooting to the gym, pounding out something lame on the treadmill, and then racing back to work, I got to step out my own front door at lunch time, and do a nice 3 miles on my usual, peaceful route. It is simply glorious weather here, and I was in a great mood. My mind wandered around to the topic of Richmond, and possibly running it this year. At the beginning of the summer, I sort of felt that hey, I'm no longer nursing, it should be so much easier to train this year than last. Training for a half will be a breeze, I'll feel great about the whole thing, and while I can't commit to Richmond right now, once the cooler weather rolls around, I'll be feeling so wonderful about my running that I will finally bow down to all the spam they've been sending me and sign up for it. I'll run it in beautiful, seasonal weather (unlike last year's record-setting scorcher) and come in under 5 hours as the awesome culmination to all the awesomeness I've been feeling all summer.

Ummmm, not so much. My niggling little injury has finally cleared up, but I simply haven't put in the mileage or the quality that I really need to be marathon ready in 7 weeks. I am soooo seduced by the promise of a PR, of running the 30th, of having special 30th anniversary finisher's schwag. But seriously, I'm just not there. I thought that not committing to it at the beginning of the summer would keep me from burning out. But what it did was keep me from preparing.

I'm a little bummed, but I feel like I can just get on with the next 3 weeks until my half-marathon, and start planning for the future. Instead of fixating on this one race, I can think about where I really want to be with respect to running in one year, in five years, in ten. And even with that forward-thinking, I am so much more in the moment than I have been all summer. Instead of "if/then" and "what if", I can be in the realm of right now. And isn't that a large part of why I run? To have time to be focused and clear, without distraction?

It reminds me of this run last year. You spend a long time constructing a fantasy about what the perfect run/race/training program is like, yet when they don't live up to your expectations, you just take a breath, take what you're given, accept them as they are, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. On that day, I ran because that is what I woke up in the morning to do. I remember spending hours the night before fretting about the weather, making plan B and plan C, packing and repacking, setting out infinite combinations of clothing and gear. But when I stepped out into the rain, it just washed away, and all I was left with was the run.

And now, letting go of Richmond this year, all those contingencies are washing away, and I finally just get to run.